Imagine

Imagine a pickle falling sideways from a tin of tuna-ham.
Now imagine a fat policeman, one who gives a damn.

Imagine a tortoise, feathers in beak, drinking liquids from a coat sleeve in a sorghum silo... midweek.

Imagine a polka dance cross state lines,
or a fantasy camp owned by Larry Fine.

Imagine a streusel fan with a plateful left to chew,
or twenty blackbirds contemplating early curfew.

Imagine a hairless nomad left to solve a Rubik's cube, and dragging sons and daughters to the mouth of the Danube, and he says "Imagine me in front of a screen.
Check your neck for pimples and ensure your nose is clean."
And if you imagine that, then welcome to my dream.

Ask me about my hobbies

"I’ll cut to the cheese: I had a you reeka moment while reading an article in Ass Choir magazine.

It said that though Western peoples are controlling their emissions, there are still vast buildups of natural gas, held in tense grip between belligerent Cheeks in the Mid East.

This has led to methane-ous crimes among Arab arsetalkocracies, including the assgassination of the Blue Angel, leader of the Fartsee people, which has the hole region under a terrible cloud. The stealth bomber let loose in a crowded theatre hot box; it was John Wilts-the-Booth, a has-beans actor, aka Jack the Ripper, who suffocated his victim in the dark.

Since then, nonstop stench warfare: silent-but-deadly rocket blasts (outside the Qatar embarrassee) and the cries of aerate sirens. Ol factories have been odoured shut down for safety. In Krakow meanwhile, Eeeeewww leaders have held nothing in there but talks for days– many high rank officials are holding their noses in response to the colon of doody.

Egyptian statesman Atef Ebeid (Burrito) also scented a strong message: He let one slip recently, boasting “In Egypt, we have ‘toot’ in common. We created the mysterious Sphinx, which baffle the world. Now we have a mighty Force of Air. Let smell-odious trumpets sound! Let the infidels sulphur!”

I’m no Nostrildamus, but my analysis? Throw caulking to the wind, and plug holes in these terrorassts: That would help rectumfy everything before it goes any farter!

Thank you, it’s been a slice."

~aired May 16, 2009 in Austin, Texas. Visit the source.

We're So SMRT!

So...

1) Online readers love to read news

BUT

2) Advertisers no longer want to advertise with it

SO, WHO WILL PAY FOR THE NEWS? ANSWER:

3) Telco/Cable Monopolies

WHO

4) Buy up newspaper organizations (already doing so and will increasingly pick up the remaining scraps, dirt cheap)

AND

5) Charge subscribers in their monthly bill.

So instead of reading newspapers for $100/year subscription, we’ll pay min $500/yr (in Canada) to read news online (and Twitter, and Facebook, and watch porn) via our internet bill, and an extra $600/yr to get it on our mobile phones. Instead of $100 for news, we pay $1100.

Wow, our generation is so advanced. We just agreed to the biggest upsell in history.