1/17/2008

Another Extremely Blurry Post

Don't have much time so here it is:
  1. Spicy Korean foods could easily power our most advanced starships. But it takes gastronomical ambition.
  2. Environmental degradation fouls my mood. I'd sign up for the nearest reforestation project 'cept the signup sheet itself draws my tears.
  3. A loud gong to announce the arrival of each email would never rival the popularity of that Guitar Hero game.
  4. You need not whisper in my presence: my iPod trackpad is rotated clockwise to the max.
  5. The devil fixes me a proscribed alcool, and I'll drink it. The devil digs me a pothole, I fall in it. But if the devil urges me to bet against the New England Patriots, I will consider hiring myself a new deceiver.
  6. Ever think about why wooly mammoths got stuck frozen in ice? They must have had extremely inept interns.
  7. If the Internet is shaped like a trash heap, and you are a scavenging crow, then this blog post is like a grey spoon located strategically above a rotting piece of dog meat, which prevents you from consuming the dog meat, caught as you are in the dull grey spoon's upside-down reflection and so you throw away your chopsticks and give up all hope of climbing aboard the starships fuelled by Korean food. You silly goof - learn to appreciate your culture!
  8. I was taller once. Then I realized all my shoes were at a 90-degree angle.
  9. With all our online distractions, productivity has flatlined. The imminent solution: feet keyboards, to double our 'qwerty' output. The great intellectual of future ages will be the Surfer-Man.
  10. Comments on this blog will reach an all-time high, if and only if I discover how to make the comment box smell like my Joop aftershave. Then if you write 'This post stinks' I know you are lying.
  11. Ever used a drinking straw as an explosive device? Neither have I. But dammit, there I go, handing al-Qaeda another brilliant idea.
  12. I was going to write a post about all the birds I've never heard about, complete with links of sites I've never visited, but that would be self-defeating. I'll stick to my detailed archive of ideas nobody ever thought of coded in text with the same colour of my blog template background. Don't believe me? Check this out: Dreidels should be given the vote

1/06/2008

More paranoia on the Internet (2005)

You think, I write, imperfect compatibility, we meet and clasp and take a piece of us with us, hold on fast. Margaret Atwood I don’t know you, don't make me think I do. Seduced by her type, she’s just my type, I like her profile, diction and spelling, I like what you write; I like to think I think like you. Drunk on like but afraid of life, imagine my surprise when I saw you with my own eyes, like Vader without his mask, couldn’t scan you with my screen; the world too real to compete with reels, wizard behind curtains reflecting better halves, scaffolding construction and faƧade, sacred superficie on Sunday promenade, everything is marketing and everything else is bad. Skeletons in my memory cache, trying to quit smoking but addicted to my attention patch. Self-interested philosophy as means to an end, is desire willed to existence what makes light bend? The rules aren’t straight, the planet a sphere, the longest line is a circle and every fact is a veneer. Hey bubba don’t trouble my blessed bubble with your public citizenry or democracy – leave me my fragmented mind, my splintered legions ripe for tyranny, now back to work and curiosity dulled by pomp and verbosity, info-spam-mail from CIALIS, cynical, semi-conscious, half-interested, cancelling engagements, flaccid, yawning, lukewarm.

Happy new year

Total sweet largishness divides a fence, has ten thousand thickets swarming sweetly in a breeze. Over and over, fields of crows and a telephone wire of plovers lounging and niggling termites from a telephone pole. Halftime heroics, lowlife nogoodniks nuzzle each other as lovers in a laneway curse and give their drugs away. Oh we walk well! Oh just down by the bend, each means something to an end, halftime, Miller time, time for fender bender, horse gallop Grendil, it's a self-looping never-ender.