10/24/2005

More Hallowe'en costume ideas

A piccolo factory — what woody wind blows through your musical eyelets? The piccolo knows! Pretend you come from a magical country called Orchestralia. Then imagine yourself bursting forth with an array of piccolo-fabrication machines - complete with dies, molds and also the requisite contracts, suppliers, payroll taxes, and overhead etc etc. Sweet, sexy overhead.... mmm.

A money tree — this costume works even better if you wear a Chia-Pet on your head and pretend that that is your money tree. People will come up to you and say ‘Hey nice costume - Chia-Head right?’ And you just laugh at them scornfully and explain, ‘No dumbass, it’s a money tree! Nobody likes a literalist.’ And explain to them how the floating of exchange rates and dissolving of the Bretton-Woods fixed exchange in the 1970s (following the demise of the gold standard) has led to decades of Third-World-crippling international inflation, grievous economic instabilities and misperceptions of what wealth there really is in the world, and the aforementioned ‘ChiaHead-Moneytree’ misunderstanding is a microcosmic metaphor for the effective unknowable powderkeg of for example injecting several trillion dollars worth of unclaimable aeroplan miles and bonus points etc etc into the clutching hands of the fill-my-belly-today-and-damn-the-torpedoes-public and inventing who knows what else grand deception to keep the machinery of Oz in motion ignoring who knows what havoc will one day be wreaked like San-Andrea's-fault-snapping this mysterious Trojan Horse of monetary destabilization aka Low-interest-instant-credit buy-now-pay-later-take-out-a-loan-to-purchase-an-MBA-then
-take-the-highest-paying-job-and-buy-your-ideals-in-middle-age-
when-you-can-afford-some-cycle-of-viciousness. Or say ‘Y’know maybe there is such a thing as a free lunch. You're all right, friend.’ and get them to stroke your Chia-Head fuzz and leave it at that. But sometimes it's better to dress up as a bastard cynic.

Oktoberfest — let’s be honest, Hallowe’en was getting big for its breeches anyway. Go to your Hallowe’en party as your own party. Dressing up as arch-rival Oktoberfest ought to knock All Hallow’s down a peg. And everybody likes a shit-disturber, especially when they're drunk. Bring several bratwurst to the festa and yell out 'I bet you never sausage arrogance!'

Cherry Jello — wait, that’s a Spooner typo; I meant to say you should go as Jerry 'Cello' McCain , whose nickname is actually 'Boogie' but hell when the ghosties are out on the 31st I'm sure you won't mind that I mess with a bluesman's mojo; heck I do it out of embarrassment and so what if 'Boogie' is actually a harmonica player - nobody clicks on blog links anyway. But I digress. Cherry Jello could be good too!

1 comment:

Nonny said...

chia head