yee-haws while you can

Astonishingly correct, derelict and sweaty.
smashing horrific devilishly explicit - I'm out of honorifics
- I'm simply a sleuth
freakishly Turkish and bonded to teeth
I'd mix a wet martini but I've got no sweet vermouth

washed into whirlpools and dried on the dock,
unlocked and spun out, it's eternadoubt,
so erase graffiti, my dear Sylvester-Tweety
"Cartoons are what I'm on about."

I quiver as I wait: it's a date with Michaela Simmons Jasper Tate!
High fives to Ebeneezer 'the Colon Cleaner' Johnson-Skinner, bean-counting with tweezer feelers; he scammed a scumbag subscription from the Publishers' Clearing House
"online beejeezus-healers' hot summer sale spectacular" with free
push-button crackhead codebreakers and hot-flash menopausal McDonald's grandma pie-a-la-mode-baking features, three to a box, twist off the box-top and you've got yourself a cure to chronic chest congestion and dry, hacking throat coughs...