8 ways to brighten your mood

[requires a few basic supplies and a semi-permeable membrane]

1. Fire hoses spraying elephant dung - yes.
2. Win a Toblerone for every cheetah cub you save on the way to work. Has to be yelping in pain or flailing in a trapper's net somewhere. Double Toblerone for saving the mother cheetah
   
3. Leave extra space between you and the next car, allowing room for your pumped up sense of self!
   
4. Eat only raisins and tell yourself they are the shrunken heads of evil dictators
5. Spar with a old man, knock him unconscious if you have to. He's reliving his glory days, which is awesome.
6. Sweeten the mood of a loved one by extracting all of his or her salt content. You will need a semi-permeable membrane, lots of water, and patience.
7. Marvel aloud at the racetrack how sweaty the horses are and how nice it would be to wrap them in a puffy towel.
   
8. Motion toward a stranger. When he approaches, offer him a box of paper clips. If he refuses, note it well, plant a tracking device on his coat, and add him to your database of People who Have Enough Paperclips. When the paperclip shortage hits, you have the 'intel' you need to navigate the crisis.