Some wisdom just before lunch

1. Love it or list it--just get it out of my hallway, before I kick it off the balcony!
2. When a man is upset, cover his face with soothing lotions. When a man is on fire, do the same. This is a kind of consistency that few appreciate, least of all an angry burn victim.
3. The word 'factotum' will be downsized from the dictionary, forcing the phrase 'snap-scrotum' to do double duty. Many will be confused, and none will be pleased.
4. To avoid scandal, do not mix  yourself up in any assassination plots. This is harder than it looks. 
5. Drive more slowly, chew more noisily, breathe more forcefully, whistle more relentlessly. You will lose a few friends this way, but have awakened a way of life.