15 lacklustre scintillating pronouncements

1. Cardigans are totally unnecessary.
2. Warm winter wetnaps are useful for three w-words in a row.
3. When we think about the piling on of popular opinion, we may as well soak our heads in a tile bath.
4. Would it not be strange to unlock a locket and see that it was full of shark teeth. That means you were actually in love a shark, or you were a shark dentist (that is, a dentist for sharks). Or your lover got eaten by a shark, and you decided to avenge her. That is the full set of solutions.
5. I was sitting in a restaurant and the waitress came up to me and asked for fifty cents. I said 'are you really a waitress' and she said 'please sir, get into the movie theatre.' I forgot to add, this took place in a movie theatre, and the first part is made up.
6. Nothing exists that does not exist. 
7. That is: Nothing is that isn't
8. Existence exists
9. Farmers farm
10. And yet, words don't always mean what they say?
11. Ok back on track: if you are ever in Toronto I can recommend an excellent sandwich.
12. When I get like this, and I'm NOT in front of a keyboard, there's a lot of lousy dancing.
13. My problem is I can remember almost everything I've ever said. Repetition is the enemy. And yet, the underlying form is not to be touched. Form over content.
14. I could have a niche covering all the people who kill bats for a living, who need cheap Rx pills mailed in five business days or less, who polish saxophones for military marching bands; these are important segments.
15. Ever get frustrated by the keyboard or the mouse? I mean, have we ever blamed QWERTY? What would literature be like if we had the Dvorak keyboard? I know I would probably be a Romanian count.