(an epic film never coming soon to a theatre near you)
The Wrath of Morty [excerpt]
Suddenly, between Morty and his prize, the elusive hundred-footed general known as Pediatrix the Elusive, rose a towering wall of bugs. And it was a massive and sturdy centipede wall, worthy even of the Great Many-Legged Elders, though it swayed with the breeze from the bathroom windowsill. The centipedal masonry swayed, but did not crumble, anchored as it was in the firm defiance of 10 million insects.
And how did Morty respond to this insane manifestation? Did he flee from the centipede wall, sell his house, and buy another one in a neighbourhood less prone to such epic infestation? Did Morty vanish, like the pre-dawn mist; did he chase his friend Bobby out of the bathroom like a whiny boy, and did he curse himself for their impudent centipede-thwarting chicanery?
No; no he did not. For when a man’s bathroom is taken over by centipedes, he has no choice but to hack and slash.
Morty drew his razor and charged; he charged at the frothing billion-limbed mass—he charged like only a man whose bathroom has been absconded by centipedes and is prevented from taking a crap in his own house can. And Morty's flashing warlike blades did vicious, murdering work amid the army of insect-companions, and there was a great drone of death and defiance among the insects, and many a pesticidal slashing of tiny but insidious limbs, and many an invading pest was dealt straightaway to his Insect Maker. There was war in that bathroom, and yes, heroism, and ultimately, destruction. And when all the centipedes had bit the dust, all but one, Morty looked down at the lone remaining defender, who was lying, rage-worn but unbowed, above the sink drain: It was Pediatrix of the Supple Toes, Leader of Bugs, and now, Mourner of Fallen Fellow-Critters...
[what the ^@$*@#@ is this, and what the ^%^**$#* will happen next???]
No comments:
Post a Comment