12/18/2005

"The man who invented the transistor was probably a midget."

... and 15 other highly disprovable conjectures of science and history

(lunacy factor - 9):

15: If a geisha suddenly gains thirty pounds, the water in her town will turn black.

14: The 'panorama' setting on most digital cameras causes violent seizures in thoroughbred racehorses.

13: In skin, broken glass causes bleeding - and in New Zealand, parades.

12: Daydreaming about marshmallow salad aka 'ambrosia' is easier than remembering your own name.

11: An argument about feminism will divide your family, not only along gender lines - but also on lines of Balzac, and lines of cocaine.

10: If a U.S. president dies in office after being gored by a bull, and death is due to the negligence of one or more cowboys - then the deceased's family will receive all the southwestern states in compensation.

9: Excessive heat will kill humans. But it will bring Hitler back to life.

8: A woman will talk about shoelaces as long as the lace is long. (?)

7: Complaining about the weather is found to be ineffective - especially compared to blackmailing it.

6: If you suffer from bipolar disorder, all geometry eventually becomes meaningless.

5: After chess Grandmaster Garry Kasparov lost to Deep Blue, the computer, he got drunk, started talking trash, and had his ass kicked by Deep Purple.

4: A 40-sided Rubix Cube was invented long before the familiar six-sided toy came out. It was rejected for manufacture however, because the only people who could solve it were Sith Lords.

3: When asked what job he'd like after quitting the Bush administration, Colin Powell replied "Secretary of Turtlenecks."

2: A dromedary can go without drinking for six months. After three months, dromedaries are very angry. After six months they are donkeys.

1: The man who invented the transistor was probably a midget. Conversely, the man who invented the canoe was a giant - with size 12000 feet - who simply wanted a pair of waterproof clogs.

4 comments:

Nonny said...

did you know the monkey was resurected? its the reason for the season of celery salt. mmmm.

Cupcake Man said...

yes, duly noted and changed.

Anonymous said...

the hitler one is the possibly funniest - or more disturbing - thing I've read this week

Bobby said...

16. When mirrors were invented, the first guy who ever faced one mirror toward another mirror and then looked in between there - that guy smiled wide because of the infinity he was seeing.