1/25/2006

Things that feel like glonk

aka Things that Feel like Glonk, the Explanation:

First off, what is glonk?

In terms of numerology, glonk lies halfway between flazz and jasswald. It is a measure of crunk, at least it was when crunk was the currency used in Hogfoom, before the Depression.

Efficiency-wise, glonk could out-wamble a gaspatcho blarney, for glonk is neither goffal nor vax. Indeed, glonk is terribly straightforward for most japesters but I’ll elaborate for the uninitiated nonetheless.

Glonk was the original hoo-ha pucknugget, the first ever droning noise recorded with a manx-magnet amplifier. Glonk was in fashion with spandex but fell into disfavour with S Club 7 and the whole “Should I Sleep with my Friends, Just Because I’m lazy?” trend. Glonk’s influence on our times has been wiggling and yellow, and the dictionary has never been the same.

So then, things that feel like glonk:
1) the frustration you get when trying to wrap up an extension cord.

- now some would say that’s the only thing that feels like glonk. Some glonkish-conservatives would limit glonkery to the realm of household appliances and AC adaptors. But have those people ever urped in a doon crank? Likely not. So yah, whatever…

Other things that feel like glonk:
2) Fighter-pilot buzzcuts
3) Jellied curry (and curried jelly)
4) The unburnable lightness of bee stings

finally

5) Counting to 1,000,000 but forgetting to include 456,209, but only realizing that sad fact at #789,203, and then having to start again and wasting an entire year of your life. Dang - that’s some pretty harsh glonk!

Anyway I'd love to write more but my 60 GB iPod is all buzzing and glonky.

(ps this post is not an allegory for the balkanization of our language on the internet. I only thought of that just now, to be an asshole - I swear)

3 comments:

Nonny said...

haha! this cured my glonk, which in my case was cleaning mouse poo from behind my desk

frustrated girl said...

i think that your boyfriend coming to visit you from another city and then sleeping instead of spending time with you feels like glonk.

Penny said...

I have to stop reading, right now.. because I'm alternating between laughter and confusion and it's a rough ride between these two polar opposites at times.. late at night when I can't quite take it. But, this post was great. Simply fantastic.