London!

(written in the Curzon House hotel, after a tough day of travel; unedited)

London (first impression)

Town of soot
and snoot
Tubed up and tied up, traffic-wise
You are grand
But also a slap in the face to
good sense pricing
I enjoy your architecture
But your women are skanks
a bit snaggly-toothed;
Your men are the worst
I wish they were all hospitalized with
chest pains
Oh London you are an island
Of garbage
In a sea of snotty mucus
That is Britain
Which is also an island

yet there’s glory on every corner
And the British Museum is prêt-ty fancy
And the tall waiters in the cafes, they earn
Their 5 quid an hour with dignity

Ah, London! Town of cobblestones
Awash in Boroughs, swimming with shortbread, and fudge
imported from Scotland
Ah! I have eaten at one too many
Persian restaurants which you ward over;
You who play host and
Salon-keeper to the World,
the grand world! yet, per capita
It’s only one tenth or so as grand as thee

Oh London, it’s a rough test
Whether to stay or go when
Faced with your ridiculous
Double-deckered buses.
Which is Wherefore, Oh Londinium of Roman times
I bid thee, despite the row we
Have oft suffered, I bid thee, yes, thank you!
For London is Lloyd’s and Life, and Leisure
And repressed emotionless laughter

Simply put: you people
make me retch.



(ps things were a lot better after that first day ... really ;-) )