sundry pelican notes

(polish squishy bits into shiny pebbles)

...You said "I am a gift to humanity and afraid for myself for that fact." Humanity doesn't treat its blessings kindly.

Give until you break. Why? There is nothing for you here. You don't need anything.

You use the same language I do, for thoughts that are too big. So we have these talks where you're the only one speaking, and I'm jotting it all down like a conversation with an overly interesting invisible man.

We were put here to do good, but I get stuck. I keep forgetting how to walk. Please help me. I am independent and proud and young, but be ready one day to answer my call for help.

It is easier to be sincere at the end of the day. Though, not enough has been done. But I'm tired of it anyway.

I don't know if a love explained is a secret ruined, or if a love explained is love that is permanent.

I am seeing a part of you that always existed come alive the first time. Nothing you do surprises me, because I've loved parts of you that you don't know yet exist.

Maybe it’s the music that funnels it out of me. I can’t call it ecstasy, I’m thinking too clearly, and I can’t call it peace, when I’m so desperately seeking something I can say brand new each time. I’m sorry for being quiet so long. If you only knew how tiring it is to try to contain all this.

A glow, I guess, a glow, not from alcohol, but maybe it’s the release. Collapsing on the ground afterglow. I am certain suffering has much to do with it. And being beat up so often, until you realize humility is strength.

There is release knowing you are completely lost. Being lost you are free. I am finding this out.