10 incredible pronouncements

(more believable than you think)

1) Space aliens will one day come to Earth, read our resumes, and marvel at our productivity.

2) To 'slip on a banana peel' will no longer be considered funny, after archaeologists reveal that this was how ancient clowns ended unwanted pregnancies.

3) Weather systems, like human beings, are never fully satisfied. People will eventually become annoyed that, whenever the sun shines, the sky is 'blue'.

4) 'Think before you drink' is considered good advice. Within centuries however it will be made obsolete, by the more authoritative 'Thonk before you dronk' .

5) The confirmed existence of God will follow immediately upon the confirmed existence of a pizza crust so thin that the Pope describes it as 'miraculously thin'.

6) With the explosion of communication technology, verbal self-awareness will one day reach a fever pitch, such that anyone who says the oxymoronic phrase 'I have certain doubts' will be flabberghasted.

7) An ingenious cure for lethal peanut allergies will be discovered: the EpiPeanut.

8) Desperate YouTube users will pad their 'view stats' by bribing teenage robots.

9) A ban on sleepwalking will have limited effect on cutting carbon emissions. A further ban on sleepdriving however, will work wonders.

10) Vegetarianism among cannibals will gain legitimacy - with the invention of a delicious soy mannequin.