These are your eyes

multicoloured flashes
green blue lightning
strangers ogle, waitresses gush
lucky me
I bask all day
puts a stupid grin
on me;
the irony is that
wherever you gaze we
see the
brilliance only
you can't see.

(and mirrors aren't the same)


I was on hiatus...

...due to extreme happiness. Just gimme couple seconds, ok

To tide you over...

8 forthcoming certainties:
  1. After a comet passes less than 5,000 miles from the Northern hemisphere, Texas will self-replicate, somewhere in Europe. Cowboys who speak French will no longer be shot at.
  2. Small toads will get together and discuss ways to become even smaller. They will marvel at nearby grasshoppers, who will spit at the toads and call them whores.
  3. Light switches will finally get together and demand that we stop tickling them.
  4. The number of dogs in the world will fluctuate wildly after the International Zoological Society redefines 'dog' as 'a four-legged creature too large to be hurled from a slingshot'.
  5. Madonna will finally declare war on Pakistan. Pakistan will lose horribly, and change its name to Rosie O'Donnell - a sad nation of defeated radical Islamic lesbians.
  6. The insanity is complete when all mucus is banned from airports, except for what can be placed in a clear re-sealable 90mL container.
  7. As global warming drenches coastal cities with rising floods, aqua-commuting will become increasingly sophisticated, resulting in advancements such as moisture-proof laptops, inkless newspapers and an underwater Starbucks.
  8. U2 will finally start to suck, after naming a future album Abraham Lincoln's Groovy Gettysburg Go-Go. Lincoln's ghost will haunt the band, driving Bono insane, until he begs the Edge to shoot him in a crowded theatre. In the same spirit Larry Mullen, Jr. will free Adam Clayton, who it turns out was an Irish slave who could not play the bass worth a lick.


Feed the dragon #68

(until I think of something interesting...)

Marvellous minute in an ocean of crunk. Cut to Mr. Dressup and a copper-plated trunk. Puppets self-assemble and chatter over brunch. I've asked for strawberry banana and the robes of a monk. The brother sat down and began to whistle, rubbed my stubbled face until I would bristle, "Touch me not - I'm a model; this pose is for the magazine!" then I admitted to the doctor I'm allergic to tartrazine. Cheetos dropped from the sky like hydrogenated butterflies, but I'm a bee sting baby and dislike the honey hives...


15 more astonishing predictions

(just, because)
  1. Ann Coulter's new book, This is How to Skin a Cat, will receive horrible reviews.
  2. A reality tv show Communist Stars will feature Danny DeVito, aka the red dwarf.
  3. Anthropologists in Montreal will argue that the invention of the wheel was merely a fortunate by-product of primitive man's repeated failed attempts to invent the bagel.
  4. The Association of Fast-Food Mascots will be sullied by scandal when Grimace steps forward and admits to being proof that, yes, your face will stay that way.
  5. Clothes hooks and hangers will be obsolete with the discovery of self-levitating clothes. In turn, self-levitating clothes will be obsolete with the discovery of clothes that leave the house on their own and go to the office for you, allowing everyone to stay at home and make sweet sweet love.
  6. Nutritionists will announce that 85 percent of the average person's recommended daily allowance of niacin can be found in fiery car crashes. However, saner heads will point out that car crashes far exceed the RDA of brain shrapnel, causing nutritionists to back away from their prior claim, to the relief of everyone.
  7. Mortuaries will - unsurprisingly - tip their hand in the abortion debate, when the Association of Undertakers says that all women should have the right to an abortion, as long as all fetuses have the right to a funeral.
  8. Science will achieve a new low, after an apparently useless multi-million-dollar study is released which proves that being peed on by a camel causes hiccups. This discovery forges an unlikely alliance among scientists, the Christian Right and Middle Eastern camel breeders — after a further study proves that hiccups cure atheism.
  9. Another study will show that violence among teenagers is not caused by video games. Conversely, video-game violence will be inextricably linked to video-game designing adults who were violent as children, teenagers, and adults.
  10. Procrastination will reach epidemic proportions, when 'a stitch in time' is revealed to save nothing at all — because Velcro has become mandatory.
  11. PETA will once again protest the signs of the Zodiac, and achieve a small victory when 'Aquarius' agrees to change its name to 'Aquarium.' Unfortunately for the animal rights organization, goldfish will then be hunted to extinction.
  12. Antitrust legislators will rule against God's dominion over heaven and Earth, citing an unfair monopoly. God will phone Bill Gates to seek commiseration, but Bill Gates will be unsympathetic, and hang up. God will smite Bill Gates with Microsoft Vista.
  13. Savvy bakeries will get out of the breadmaking business, and go into the perfume business selling bread-scented lines. Calvin Klein will latch onto this crossover notion, open a bakery and make a killing selling loaves of bread that taste like Elle Macpherson.
  14. Archaeological evidence reveals that one of the marvels of the Ancient World 'jumped the shark' back in 1350 BC, when in an attempt to appeal to the youth demographic, the Sphinx stopped asking its famous riddles and simply queried Egyptian passersby with the rather unchallenging 'Do you know what the Sphinx is cooking?'
  15. Lobe-nibbling lovers will become understandably paranoid - at the same time, marketers of nacho chips to cannibals will leap for joy - after Oprah proclaims that human ears dipped in salsa are simply delicious.


We are hard won

(best writer's block you ever had - enjoy it)

We wear
bloody battle fatigues
best dressed
in symmetry
you and me, writing history
wildasimaginable fantasy and
extraordinary reality

Never had much to say
but always had the
flair to say it
got my attention now
don't know quite how to say
but it's time I
I took the time to pay it so
today it's
let me catch breath
air my bones
after my hall of fame home run
away from home and
unplugged phone
I ran a month-long marathon to tell you that
we won we won we won

happiness shrivelled the
sighs upon the
laptop, yammering
fighting not to mix up ecstasy
with pop
but sweetness + fizz is everywhere and
I'm a pig for slop
so, indeed
why stop

submerged in the brain
for years shouting over rain
now silence
brought by this
bursting at the keys
on our knees
waiting, oh
till sky clears
poems appear
content blares
pelican man cheers
and ms. rhythm despairs
the cupcakes —Jesus, for all they are
they're what they are and
they are half-baked to
please us