Nursery Rhymes for the Urban Cynic

a VERY special post ... the first few are nonsense, but they gather steam... to be read ALOUD, preferably to your small children... guaranteed smiles!



Binky dinky trucks, filled with magic marshmallow fluff.
Beep beep! Beep beep!
Clear away the marshmallow path; clear it fast
– or face my Pegasus puff-pillow wrath!
I’m deep in a fluffy gunk,
so lock me in the puffy trunk
– I’ll munch my way to heaven!

Ronny Roy

Zassy passy joy – here comes Ronny Roy,
a tall thin chap with a leather cap -
his glass eye rolling on the floor.
Hey hey Ronny, you’re so funny, let me ope the door!
Do not sigh, here’s your eye,
come on in – we’re drinking gin!
You cannot ask for more!

Jelly or Jally

It’s jelly, Jimmy, or jally:
you can sidle, Jimmy, or you can shimmy,
you can slurp or you can spit
– but, Jimmy Jones, you should know that
we’ll get quite fed up with it!

Fuzzy Frederick Froo

Fuzzy furry Frederick Froo, fashioned fire with his foxes two
Fie fie, Freddy – it’s time to get to beddy:
Angel pies with angel eyes will tickle your pink belly!

(they start to degenerate into the sensical - and the cynical - around here...)


Ooga booga, ooga booga
fluctuate flump and flash
eat some bangers, eat some mash
bug-eyed babies wail the crash
– time to sell your shirt for cash!


Happy slappy pap – read it like a map,
Following squiggles makes you giggle
wiggle wiggle, wriggle wriggle
– I think that’s a wrap!


Underground sounds: pound crash crack!
The earth is in a lurch – look out above,
the mountains are on drugs!
Screech and scrape, lava bakes
– it’s smashing us silly mugs!


Watch the talking box, look at how it squawks;
it’s so silly, willy-nilly – I’d rather play with rocks!


The beetles on the street, crush em with your feet –
Oh no, oh no, they’re made of magic rubber metal!
They got glowing eyes and teeth!
The light is red, stand on your head
Now it’s green, so you can dream
– please go right ahead!


The fire’s in the water, flaming in a bottle,
drink it up, or drink it down
look, the world is spinning round
– out the door you wobble!

Black Bean

Black bean, black bean, make me jump
if I don’t sniff you I’m a grump
milk and cream, spoon and steam
– we’re a clump of sugary lumps!

After hours

Pizza man, pizza man, bake me a pie,
oregano-basil and turn it on high
it’s getting late, my date can’t wait
– I’m so munchy I could die!

Bus stop

Wait all day, wait all night,
wait so long I want to fight
I need the bus, and so do you,
could it be in Timbuktu?
– the driver is a possum!


Blompity rompity clomp – through the snow we stomp,
slushy stewy mushy mash – don’t fall your on ass!


Look up, look down,
don’t look around, don't make a sound
the going up, the going down,
– the elevator is so stuffy!


Oh one-eyed Jim, where do you sleep?
On the sidewalk? That’s pretty neat
– live and work in just one place!
Jiggle, jingle, fill that cup
here’s a coin, now please let up
– we’re all in such a hurry!


Newspaper, newspaper, spin me a yarn,
splice it together and stitch it up fast
– I don’t have time to bother with facts!


Sticky licky ricky roo
I have something good for you
I know something you must do:
turn the lights off two by two, in the dark you swallow goo
Woohoo woohoo – now you don’t feel so blue!


Sparkly pizzazz, cool suburbia fad! My abs are fab!
I don’t do carbs, but I do yoga
– look at me, blending in so flawlessly!
My dog’s a collie, my girl's a Dolly
and my Filipino nanny’s name is Molly!


Tell me boy, what is your Gay-Q?
If you live downtown, I bet it’s two-hundred and two!
Do you, do you, do you look gay?
Hey hey hey, it’s hip to act gay – tall, skinny and gay
– it’s the surest way for a guy to get laid!

Bleeding Heart

Don’t eat meat – it’s bad!
Don’t use paper – trees will die!
Don’t say those words – it’s not allowed!
Don’t do anything – we might not like it!
And whatever you do,
don’t tell me what to think
– I’m a unique freedom-loving individual
and so are my unwashed friends!

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