the crotch-block blues

(as requested by and for JLo)

the crotch-block blues

man i hate it when big fat australians
who smoke their cigarettes
arrive between me and my lady
and breathe their aussie breath

"hey now bruce" i want to snarl
"you're messin' with my action;
my lady here is from new zealand
--screw you and your 'outback-jack'-tion!"

brucie farts, he snorts, he kills the mood
--crotch block in full effect--
he talks pointlessly 'bout his travel plans
till i'm all "shit yo, what the heck!"

my zealand lady's cooling off:
she yawns and shrugs and sighs
i curse the world, my luck--and bruce
who snatched our passion from the skies

it's salt in the wounds, my dear dear friends
this crotch-block in cold blood
cupid all year has not been kind
and I'm stuck in a loveless mud

'cause a crotch-block at church, at work or in my parent's house
doesn't really get me down
but there's no nastier block than in a euro youth hostel
where free love should abound!


(any other requests?)

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