1. Pez dispensers: use or lose 'em, that's all I gotta say. The way we just collect these neck-swivelling flip-top plastical novelties and fill them with candy for the first little while, but then forever ignore them and sometimes just throw them in the garbage--that really sticks in my craw. I mean, talk about a flavour famine; the potential for amusing sugariness is there forever, so don't waste it by dismissing so flippantly these delightful dispensers. Cuz if that's your attitude you can stick my middle finger up your pez and smoke it!
2. The big flaming circle in the sky that burns my skin: talk about a SUN of a bitch! Ahaahhahaaha. But seriously, I've walked the walk, and talked the talk, now I'm calling for a good ol'fashioned sun BLOCK. So shut your eyes when strolling outside and the sun'll surmise he'd betta wise up!
3. cheeky squirrels: they gnaw, they chew, they hop, they bounce. For god's sakes, can't we just call a 'let's cut loose all this foolishness' truce? These scurrilous scurrying squirrels are driving me 'NUTS'!
4. my new blue pen: doesn't write, doesn't think, it's just a big blue pen, full of ink!
5. cowboy cookies: I mean, shouldn't they be called COWPERSON cookies? Stick that in your politically correct cookie oven and smoke it!
6. craw burrs: man, when these little devils stick in your craw, they're hard to get out. Like the poet said, 'to get out a craw burr, you're gonna need a crow bar'!
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