Dear Mr. Norbert MacPhail:

(this one's fun to read out loud)

Please sir, remove your socks from the rail-banister above the 2nd-floor landing of our building--our olfactory nerves have suffered enough.

Sir, of late our apartment building has become a by-word for putridity and for nose-harm. With all due respect, this saddening reputation is due almost entirely to you and your socks. More to the point, Mr. MacPhail, it's due to your utter rankness. You might not realize this sir, but you are a stinky man, and, as noxious consequence of your stink, the socks you peel off after a day's wearing are quite stinky as well. Therefore when placing your socks on the railing outside your apartment--in direct exposure to the stairwell traffic--be aware that you create a poisonous, unbreathable atmosphere!

Surely the city health unit, if availed of this phenomenon, would move fast to declare your sock-pile an egregious biohazard, incubating passersby as it does with its pathogenic skunkery. I implore you, sir, do not court that ignominious label, ie 'Norbert MacPhail, Officially Dangerous Cesspool of Stink,' from our city's health inspectors. Why force the inspectors to declare publicly what, to your co-tenants, is already plain--that you and your socks are an assault upon all nostrils, far and wide? Instead, remove your rancid foot garments from the stairwell with all courtesy and with extreme haste. (What you do with them after is up to you; I personally suggest you burn those wanton bacteria-sleeves, or bury them under ground.)

So for god sakes sir, cease and desist this godawful stink.

With neighbourly concern,


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