what happened to me?

So... I was reading old emails again.

Question: What ever happened to me?

When did I lose the ability to talk about myself?

Not that I ever possessed it, mind you. But for a while there, it was fun just to be me, and not the gnu-headed Oracle of Whatever.

This thing, these words - all these words belonging to other people, stolen by me, uniquely expressed on this frankensteinian platform - ate me alive. I confused them with me. They're not me. I was eaten; I've been digesting myself for over a year. Literature as bowel movement. Go figure.

It set me loose, hi fibre catharsis or somesuch. But my legs are numb from sitting on the pot. I have to learn to walk again.

When you remember too much, too many details, too many dictionary entries, you need constant reminding of what's important. Love and be loved and all that jazz. I guess I'm a crack baby for distraction. I have far too many seductive inklings. Did I ever tell you about my 50 latest book ideas? I swear at least one of them will make me famous. Yikes.

Also - I'm so close to telling you about my nervous breakdown. Everyone has one at some point, and mine was a thing of beauty. Highly unoriginal, yes, but artistic in its existential melancholia. Actually, if you want, just re-read Ms. Rhythm's Revenge (april and may)- it's pretty much all there, in a catchy rhyming waltz.

(Some advice: if you're going to have a nervous breakdown, at least be interesting about it. I'm still trying, and hence Ms. Rhythm. Aren't we all, trying to be interesting with our neuroses that is... how I love every blogger on God's green internet)

I guess I should save the NB for another blog and leaves these twisted cupcakes to their yeasty frosty devices. But with cupcakes there's always this nagging egotistical urge to expose the Wizard. I think the cupcakes are great; I have a lot of respect for the cupcake ethos, but hell--cupcakes sure do mess with a man's life story. They taste great but they leave me unsatisfied in the end. Pure mind sugar.

I'll tell you one tidbit, tangentially related to my NB (although the NB took place before that):

I took a trip far away, to chase after a woman. (How original) I was in love and we were going to be happy together. Until the piano dropped on my head. It was like 'God smites Job' , bible wrath meets loony tunes. I did a double take and fell splat into the grand canyon. I was shot down from the sky. Like Icarus or maybe that was Phaeton's downfall. I got kicked in the face, stomach and head all at once. Things happened that I'm not too happy about. I was robbed of something and it was awful. Bad things aren't supposed to happen to nice people.

But I'm over that, really. Chalk it up to experience.

And I'm ready to tell you all about me. I got confessions on the brain.


what do you want to know?

*Scuffle, shouting*


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