Jim and Tony's Adhesiveness Apprehension

(for those who ‘stick it out’ together, no matter how pointless their relationship becomes)

Adhesiveness Apprehensions

It was Tony’s 30th birthday, and his housemate, Jim, wanted to celebrate. Tony was very tired on his special day however, because he had eaten an enormous quantity of raisins the night before, and was trying to digest them—Tony was so full; he wanted to celebrate nothing. Jim was insistent, however; Tony was too much the stick in the mud.

Jim was searching the house for a piece of Scotched tape, to wrap a present for Tony. Now , the tape was lying inside a drawer in their kitchen, but Jim had a phobia for opening kitchen drawers; he was quite afraid of those drawers, how they opened and shut and made a clanging noise. So he left a note on the kitchen cork board. It read, hey 'Ton', I wouldn’t mind some Scotched tape--can you find some, yo? The next day Tony (who finally had digested the raisins) read Jim’s note and opened the drawers accordingly, rendering the Scotched tape accessible. Thus Jim managed to avoid opening the drawer, and at the same time Tony got his birthday present wrapped; such was their life together—mutually beneficial, but equally ridiculous. Jim handed the present to Tony; affixed to it was a note: “Thanks for enabling me to wrap your present, Tony," it read, "sorry if it’s a bit belated.”

Tearing away the wrapping, Tony couldn’t believe his eyes: “It’s a gift certificate,” Jim grinned at the birthday boy, “good for twenty dollars’ purchase at Scotched-Tape World!” (Now Scotched-Tape World was a store that sold quality, much sought-after adhesive products.)

Tony was dumbfounded—Jim is way too obsessed with Scotched tape, he thought. Tony put the gift certificate down in the kitchen drawer, shut the drawer and, ever polite, said “Thank you, Jim--that Scotched adhesive should come in handy”--which was more or less true. It was not a perfect arrangement, but such were their lives: Jim and Tony, stuck with each other, like two strips of double-sided tape.

“Please, don’t shut the Scotched-tape drawer, Tony," Jim pleaded, "your thirty-first birthday is only 364 days away--I’d like to wrap your next present on time for a change!” And Tony rolled his eyes. He shook his head; “Where,” he sighed, “are my goddamned raisins?”