here's something fun!

(once again, I have no idea... comments welcome)

Annual General Meeting of the Ridiculously Positive Club for Fans of Everyone!

(Mr. Speaker to be narrated in Michael Palin's voice. All others as desired)

Mr. Speaker: Welcome to the annual general meeting of the Ridiculously Positive Club for Fans of Everyone!
First off, we welcome to the meeting, the new club Treasurer and all around swell chap, the fabulous Zachariah Pollywog: take it away, Treasurer Pollywog!
Mr. Treasurer: Tit tit, welcome welcome, thanks guvna; it’s an absolute pleasure and a thrill to be among the most wonderful and exciting clump of gents I’ve ever run across in my travels upon this pale blue dot. Furthermore--
Mr. Speaker: --well, thank you Mr. Treasurer for your kind words--
Mr. Treasurer: Yes yes. You know something Mr. Speaker, I was thinking this morning about how I would introduce myself tonight, what words I could muster to convey and impress upon this crowd, just how important it will be that we work together, strive together and succeed together. You all have seen victory, you know naught of defeat, and—
Mr. Speaker: Mr. Treasurer, slow down--you are losing us with this inspired talk of yours!
Mr. Treasurer: Well perhaps I’m getting carried away with the thought of the grand time we are going to be having together. After all, this evening marks a changing of the seasons!
Mr. Speaker: What, you mean it’s March 21 today? I thought that date had already passed
Mr. Treasurer: Well yes, but no, by the changing of the season I mean that the tide is finally turning; not only is the treasury (under my treasuring) certain to yield beneficial effects for the entire Western hemisphere, but henceforth and furthermore—
Mr. Speaker: And on with the meeting then... Up next I would love to introduce a special lady, a real tiger of a dame. Ladies and gentlemen, my pleasure is to bring before you the first ever member of our Dunking and Spelunking Team, Ms. Linda Boyle, of Penticton. Linda is a long-time Pisces, and she was born lefthanded. Quite the talent there, Linda!
Linda: Say, thanks Mr. Speaker. Tonight I am beaming and you cannot know the pride I have to address you all--
Mr. Speaker: That’s enough Linda.
Linda: But…
Mr. Speaker: You’re done—that was wonderful.
Linda: Mr. Speaker, can I ask you a favour?
Mr. Speaker: What is it Linda? Mi casa e su casa, you know that. That’s Spanish, and Spain is a country in Europe.
Linda: Yes Mr. Speaker, I was just wanting to add one thing
Mr. Speaker: Hurry up Linda, I have 65 other speakers to introduce tonight
Linda: I just wanted to say, that as the newest member of the Dunking and Spelunking team, I have a lot of tradition to live up to, and I plan to excel in all aspects of the human endeavour.
Mr. Speaker: Well, it’s just the spelunking we care about in your case Linda, but if you want to carry the load for all humanity that’s grand
Mr. Treasurer: I must say I support Linda—she seems really to be a straight up Sheila, and she wants for nothing in terms of, how shall I say this, bustiness!
Mr. Speaker: Well Mr. Treasurer you have no right to interrupt after your turn. I would tell you to fag off and go count your beans, but you’re such a swell Bobby that I can’t help but forgive.
Mr. Treasurer: Thanks Mr. Speaker, you are a prince.
Mr. Speaker: Thank you, now fob off. Up next is the most outstanding member of the Lake Grove Pine Chopping and Cedar Burning Committee, one Sly Pettigrew. Sly is a lumberjack-turned-bureaucrat, and I’m sure he has a few too many 'tall trees' to deal with in his new office. Am I mistaken there, Sly?
Sly Pettigrew: Thank you thank you, eminent Mr. Speaker, and absolutely. I have just been informed that everyone I have talked to today is an absolute fab-o chap or chapetta and I am thrilled down to my knickers to partake in this service to the community, this the beacon of hope for the downtrodden and the latest example of the long-continuing run of humanitarian, peace-loving-ship of all the eastern half of this local region over which I hold sway in my particular officious duties.
Mr. Speaker: Oh Mr. Pettigrew I am creaming in my pants
Sly: Oh Mr. Speaker I have a firm man-lust for you, and if only I could but express one-tenth of it I would be the most happy lumberjack-turned-bureaucrat in the northern woods of this eastern region over which we are currently holding sway in our club of super-charged positivism.
Mr. Speaker: Now now, Mr Pettigrew I am fond of you too, but I enjoy the fruits of a seven-year marriage.
Sly: Really to whom art thou wedded, if I may ask using a Biblical pronoun?
Mr. Speaker: Well, Mr. P, I will introduce her now as Exhibit X. As in X-X-X! My wife is a well known pornstar and a line cook at Denny’s. Her name is Wanda DeTroit and the only thing negative one could say about her is that she lacks the ability to tie a Windsor knot. And if the members of the House of Windsor ever catch wind of that, she’ll be relegated to dancing at the House of Lancaster, if you catch my meaning there Sly. So please keep that on the ‘sly’.
Sly: *Ahem* a fine pun Mr. Speaker; truly you are a man of words.
Mr. Speaker: Well here she is now, my wife and confidante and the woman who satiates my desires, the one, the only Wanda Detroit!
Mr. Treasurer: Here here, welcome welcome ma’am; we are fanatics for your work!

(unfinished of course)

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