Tips from the Daddy-Wack:

How to make Wacky Wednesday™ wackier than a wiggety-wacckountant

Follow these instructions, and a truly fulfilling Wacky Wednesday™ will undoubtedly unfurl:

  • In anticipation of Wacky Wednesday™, don't shower all week.

  • As midnight gongs and calendar flips from boring old Tuesday over to Wacky Wednesday™, go ahead, jump in the shower... fully clothed! Now strip naked beneath the spray!

  • After you exit the shower, stop breathing, for a full 4 minutes: you will begin to see wacky visions, ie hallucinations-- this is already pret-ty wacky you might think, but in fact it's just the beginning!

  • Dry yourself off (you can resume breathing now)--not with a towel, but with a wacky coonskin chapeau!

  • Get dressed (wear what you like, but hopefully it's wacky, or made of coonskin), then 'wack' outside into the street, shouting aloud, 'sleepy-time's over, people; time to head over to WackDonald's and order up a Big Wac!'

  • After mowing down the whole Big Wac, head over to your place of work (your place of 'wack', for today).

  • Start building a Wacky Wall™! Even though your office might not open for another 6 or 7 hours (it's still just after midnight, remember), think of all the wacky papier-mache edifices you could construct, to dazzle and amuse your co-workers. They'll arrive and, seeing the Wacky Wall™, get caught up in the infectious wackociousness of Wacky Wednesday™!

  • As the 'wacking day' winds itself up, be sure always to mention to your co-wackers that, on Wacky Wednesday™, they should be looking on the wackier side of life! If anyone gives you trouble, or tells you to shut the hell up about being wacky all the time, just say something like 'Why don't you wack off, you slack-assed wack-hack!'

  • Remember to mutter to yourself throughout the day, 'My religion is Wack, and I'm on the attack!'

  • Above all, have fun. And remember, when one Wacky Wednesday™ is over, it's just another 144 hours til the Wackpire strikes back!
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