7 things that bother me about tuna

1) When people make bad Shakespeare-and-tuna puns, ala 'tuna or not tuna - that is the question'. That is so lame.

2) The fact that I think tuna is shaped cylindrically like the metal can, when in reality it probably isn't, but I'm too lazy to join a tuna fleet and/or work the tuna docks down at the harbour to find out for myself. So every time I think of tuna I feel like a hypocrite. I can't help blaming the tuna for that.

3) Why is the most popular brand of tuna called 'Starfish'? That's like a buying a new automobile called the Chevrolet Hovercraft. Pretty annoying if you ask me.

4) More on bad tuna puns: 'Looney Tunas' is another personal bugbear of mine. And I don't want to hear any more about 'iTunas'. ... btw in Mexico is there a Pacific beach resort called Tunajuana? Yikes.

5) It may be chicken of the sea, but it sure don't taste like chicken. Sometimes it tastes a bit like dolphin - so that's strike #5 for being deceptive.

6) The fact that I just found out on Google that "[n]atural predators of ... mature yellowfin tuna include large sharks and billfishes and some small whales such as false killer whales." Interesting enough infomation about tuna-predation, but now my point #2) is moronic, cuz I could've just Googled to find out whether tuna is shaped like the can. Duh! Once again the internet makes me look like an idiot.

7) So it's settled, a tuna looks like this. If you ask me it's pretty stupid to grind something that big into a one-inch-high aluminum can, but whatever. Far as I can tell tuna drives men to some vicious slash-and-hack madness; why all the canning frenzy? Mmm... no need to slice and dice, I think I'd like some full tuna ribs!

Next: why piccolos and dobermans shouldn't mix.

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