How to write a newspaper column

1. Begin with cheeky reference to anything in current events: "Believe it or not, Toronto may be at a loss for Mel Lastman."
2. Rehash previous week's stories for 150 words or so.
3. Throw in a 'but'.
4. Add an 'and'.
5. Insert rhetorical pause as you approach finish, ala "Yet the mayor still expects us all to rely on public transit."
6. Closing with "Well, until city hall decides to ante up, no one ever will."

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