Wisdom from the cynical bastard

1. When a paramedic asks you to get out of the way, so he can carry a sick patient on a gurney out the door you're blocking, you better do it or else people will think you're a jerk.

2. To get the attention of the total bimbo who works out at your gym , then just forget to bring your eyeglasses to the workout one day. If you can barely make out her voluptuous features due to blurry vision, you won't focus on how physically attractive she is, and she'll feel a subconscious snub, that you don't stare at her like every other guy in the gym. This way you shut down one of her key sources of validation/sense of self-worth, ie being gawked at by drooling neanderthals. (if you could see properly, you would be in that neanderthal category like every other schmuck, and she then has no need for you) Basically you are playing 'hard to get'--but only because your vision is incapacitated. Her ego bruised by your inattention, she may actually begin to think you somewhat interesting, and your chances of landing a flirtatious smile when you finally do put your eyes on her will increase correspondingly.

3. Each and every car in Toronto that is parked illegally, right at the corner of an intersection--blocking entire lanes of traffic and generally creating gridlock, especially between 3-5 pm--is by necessity an SUV, driven by a well-to-do married wife in her mid to late 30s, on her way to a chain coffee shop to get her decaf chai latte and biscotti to go, who of course is justified in breaking the law and causing hell for other drivers, 'cause "I'm just gonna park there for a minute, and besides I don't have time to find a spot because I have to hurry home; Bob just got a promotion and I'm rushing to help the nanny fix a snack for the kids and after I drive them to karate class the two of us are going to Centro to celebrate, and maybe after we'll meet Marv and Irene at Kalender for martinis and dessert." (I know this last one isn't quite wisdom, but it's good to get it out)

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