The Man Who Could Not Eat Himself

An existential conundrum: if you were starving to death, would you eat yourself to survive? Not to be taken literally of course, but I think that's a question a lot of artistic types ask (when "Where am I going to get my next meal?" is long since hopeless); with the strange answer being, "Yes, I think maybe I could... eat myself."


The Man Who Could Not Eat Himself

There was a man who lived in a town. The man's name was Tibor. Tibor was made of the best food. He was very good to eat. Whoever ate Tibor grew strong, happy and delightful. His arms were succulent and sweet. His moist internal organs gave off a pleasant aroma as they slid down one’s throat.

All the people commented to Tibor how tasty he was, and this made him happy. “They love me, they love me,” he thought, “for I am good to eat. I bring health to those around me.”

Soon the rest of the townspeople, having grown accustomed to the nourishment provided by Tibor’s body, threw away their other food. They stopped farming the rural areas, for Tibor provided more than enough sustenance to satisfy their needs.

Tibor, however, had nothing to eat, now that the only food source in town was himself!

What was Tibor to do? He did not know how to farm, and had little desire to eat one of the other townspersons. “How strange,” thought Tibor with a flourish, “that in order to live I must eat myself!”

But Tibor could not bring himself to eat his own body. He tried many ways. One time he cut off all his hair and tried to chew it one lock at a time. He did not like it, and spat it out. He was at a loss. “How will I function if I eat my own body? How will I walk if I swallow my legs?”

Though he was aching with hunger, he simply stopped eating, and began to waste away. By the time he died there was nothing left on his body to eat, so the townspeople said, “Let’s go to Burger King.”


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